We were on the way home, on Monday evening around 6.23pm, when Aisyah called me and said that my aunt, Tinda has left us.

It came as a shock, even though we knew she didn't really have long to live, she has been fighting this battle for the longest time, but when it finally did happen, it is still such a shock. When I hung up the phone, I told my husband, and I started sobbing, and then suddenly I stopped, and called my friend to tell her, and then I remember telling my husband, "Maybe Aisyah will call me back and tell me she got the wrong info."

We were just at her house the night before, on Sunday.

Fetched the kids from my parents' place, only left Wiwi and the 2 sleeping kids, my mom and Aisyah had rushed there first. Went home to take Sufia's stuff, and then we went over.

Somehow, it didn't really sink in, even when I saw her looking so serene, covered. I've heard of people saying usually it will just look like an empty shell, and yes while I thought it seems like Tinda's body didn't really contain Tinda anymore, it still looked like Tinda was just sleeping.

My cousin Bijal told me that he too keeps thinking Tinda is still around. Like this is all not really happening.

I don't really know how to continue this. I keep tearing up, and it feels weird thinking she won't be sms-ing me anymore asking me how are the kids, or me telling her about a new good book, or there's this haul here and there, and just random updates abt whatever.

I joined in to bathe her, so I'm thankful for the last few memories, and that I was allowed to do a bit more for her, when she has done so much for me.

Husband said last night that the next time Haul Habib Nuh comes, and the subsequent years, we will miss Tinda so much, we will feel the loss, because she came with us for the past few years, and a few weeks ago she said if she's still around for haul next year, must bring her also. Thanking me for the memories together, when I was a kid schooling in Jamiyah she would send me to school naik sbs bus. She would bring Dayah & Jamal, and Falee and me, to Mcdonalds near her house last time. I have vague memories following her going out with Cik Jais when I was really small. How she jumped really high when the cat ran near her at Jambi.

I remember her telling me, on my 3rd last hospital visit to see her, she told me to tell Aisyah that if she's not around for Aisyah's wedding, please apologise on her behalf. She would love to be there. Told me to take good care of the kids, to cherish Mazreen. Masha'Allah.

Each family gathering will never be the same again, and we will miss her enthusiasm and her love for all the small kids, how she always buys something small for the kids just so they will be happy, and how she just cherishes the small moments.

Allah granted us a blessing in the form of Tinda, and we were lucky we got her as an aunt. She was a special person, and so strong. During Haul, ramai2 orang mcm tu, and during terawih, she would still solat berdiri, despite not being strong physically. She was a constant reminder to me that I can still perform whatever ibadah even though I'm not feeling well etc.

Her husband said now she finally gets to rest. I agree, and I'm glad for her. She fought for long, and she must be quite tired. I miss her, so does Hyder, he has asked a few times when do we get to see Nenek 'Nda, even though we have explained to him that she has left us.

I pray that Allah swt place her with the righteous, that her place now is very brightly lit and spacious, may her path to Jannah be very smooth, and may she meet Nabi Muhammad saw, and be with his wives and kids, and may we all be reunited in Jannah. Amin ya Rabbi al amin.




Al Fatiha wa Yasin khususan ilal arwah Marlinda Binte Zain.