I never knew choosing to be a housewife will come with so many life-questioning statements in my head too.  Back when I was working, I kept thinking I'm not a good mommy coz I'm not there for the kids when they need me, and that it is fitrah seorang wanita (!!) to sit at home and take care of the kids, not out working (that's surely only for men, if we had our way)  and stuff like that. 

Now that I'm not working, I keep thinking maybe I shouldn't be so lazy.  Other women are making such a sacrifice for their families, coping with their sadness and whatever of putting their kids in childcare... while here I am, being such a wuss, sit at home take care of the kids AND spending the husband's money while at it. 

Ladies and gentlemen, the grass is truly greener on the other side. 

The thing is, I cannot imagine going back to work.  Not when the kids are still so young also.  I am having fun at home actually, I love being around for them, cooking for them and my husband, reading to them, teaching Hyder, finding activities for them to do, and stuff like that.  But I feel guilty, like maybe I should do MORE for my family?  Start a home business??  Haha I'm not business minded, how liddat??   Or maybe work part-time??  My husband insists we don't need the extra moolah, he said if I were to go back to work, just save all of my salary in an account where we can never withdraw the money, unless we reallyreallyreally need it. 

I also wanna just sit at home and be with the kids actually.  Loving them is one thing, but I ENJOY them.  Sure it's more tiring being at home with them 24/7 needing my attention (I have since developed a thingy where I can have some blank-out time - I don't care whether they are shouting or fighting, I just ignore them for about 5 minutes and zone out.  This DOES NOT include solat time, so hahaha this means I have a total of about 30 minutes zone out time each day.  This also does not include their nap time, soooo yeah....)  but I feel like it's more rewarding.

I miss my husband though.  From spending SO much time together in a day, now we only have some time after the kids are asleep ... I love talking to him, but I also know it's not fair for me to insist that he stay awake til 3am or something just to talk to me.  He does have to work the next day afterall, haha. 

He's lovely though, usually after dinner he will ask if there's anywhere I wanna go.  He doesn't want me to be bored sitting at home all the time.  I find that SO sweet.  So he agrees to whatever I say, like Starbucks coffee, ice-cream, go to shops, here and there ... I just find it really sweet, haha. 

I dunno lah ... Maybe I should just stop analysing every single thing and just enjoy my life here and now, and not compare it to anyone else.  I just wanna work towards that one ultimate goal, reallyreally keep my eye on it and not get distracted by worldly WANTS.  Insha Allah!